Crap football phraseology

[Red]

"Prawn sandwich brigade"

If I'm in the hospitality suite I expect a damn sight more than a prawn sandwich or two let me tell you.

[soggy biscuit]

'but they hit the post' when talking about misses.

errr yeah that is also missing.

[LUX]

"near miss"

no, it was an actual miss.

[Row Z Royal]

Penalties being described as 'missed' when saved by the 'keeper.

If it's an open-play shot on target and the 'keeper saves it, it's still a shot on target, not a miss.

[muddyfeet]

"that was a really good effort and they cant be disappointed "

Last heard at the Arsenal v Ispwich game - of course they can be disppointed they bloody lost

[brendywendy]

"in goals"

oxf*rd of townsend you c*nt
its in goal.

[No Fixed Abode]

xxxxxx's first corner of the game.

Does it fackin matter - it's the score that matters.

[Wax Jacket]

shots hitting the woodwork being considered shots on target
shots hitting the woodwork not going in being considered unlucky

[Skyline]

"Anywhere else on the pitch that's a freekick"

[Alan Partridge]

'Tough place to go' As used by Nigel Adkins after Southampton's 6-0 away win at Oldham. Iraq = Tough place to go, Oldham clearly not.

'Set their stall out' They selling lemonade or something?

'Well organised' which is manager speak for the opposition is rubbish and are going to try and defend for a point.

[SLAMMED]

"women linesman are useless" and "Do me a favour love" are two of my most hated ones.

[SWLR]

Genuine Pace.

What is fake pace?!

Darren Caskey

[Tony Le Mesmer]

" its always a difficult place to go" No it fuking isnt, they're 15th in the league.
Bit out of date this one but " The wide open spaces of Wembley should suit them" what, are they going to stick some wingers on the dog track? Wembleys pitch was no bigger than most other grounds.

Just you wait til next month when the CL returns. Commentatrors will be treating us like 6 years olds with regards to the away goals rule, where "Away goals count double"

[Mr Optimist]

When pundits say things like..."players like your Gerrards, your Beckhams, or your Heskeys" in the plural

[Mr Optimist]

When pundits say things like..."players like your Gerrards, your Beckhams, or your Heskeys" in the plural

[Tony Le Mesmer]

When pundits say things like..."players like your Gerrards, your Beckhams, or your Heskeys" in the plural

We need more posts from the Mr Optimists of this world

[Franchise FC]

It wasn't a penalty because he wouldn't have kept the ball

[ZacNaloen]

.

Just you wait til next month when the CL returns. Commentatrors will be treating us like 6 years olds with regards to the away goals rule, where "Away goals count double"

Surely this sort of commentary is for the new comers/younger viewers?

It's not for the seasoned watchers.

[Mr Optimist]

When pundits say things like..."players like your Gerrards, your Beckhams, or your Heskeys" in the plural

We need more posts from the Mr Optimists of this world

I'd like to say that's why I posted the same message twice but the truth is my broadband's decided to go an oxford go slow!

Another I've thought of is the unwritten law where Xavi and Iniesta have to be mentioned together or not at all.

[Franchise FC]

When pundits say things like..."players like your Gerrards, your Beckhams, or your Heskeys" in the plural

We need more posts from the Mr Optimists of this world

I'd like to say that's why I posted the same message twice but the truth is my broadband's decided to go an oxford go slow!

Another I've thought of is the unwritten law where Xavi and Iniesta have to be mentioned together or not at all.

I thought they were Siamese - are you telling me they are really two different players ?