Sunday League Football Clichés

[TBM]

http://www.theguardian.com/sport/footba ... e-football

lol Hobnob FC use all of these


1) "We've Gone Quiet"
Going quiet, as highlighted earlier, is the sign of a malfunctioning team. No one is talking, which means they all might as well go home. A period of notable quietness is ended only when the captain draws everyone's attention to it: "Come on lads, we've gone quiet!". It can, at the shouter's discretion, be bookended with "...haven't we?", to offer the illusion of a debate where one is really not available.

2) "Straight In"
A staple instruction that can be used only at a very specific moment – namely, the opponents kicking off the game. "Run after the ball!", this phrase demands, "Chase it when they kick it backwards!". Only the strikers need to do this, of course, and the moment quickly passes. Getting "straight in" is not a continuous requirement, but merely an opening gesture of intent, which is likely to be unfulfilled. It is often accompanied by a mindless, yet somehow entirely appropriate-feeling, clap of the hands.

3) "Two On The Edge"
When a corner is awarded, it is everyone's job to pick up their man. One eagle-eyed player has the extra task of spotting a discrepancy in this complex marking system, in that there are two unattended opponents lumbering into the penalty area.

In extreme circumstances, there may be "three on the edge" – an unthinkable catastrophe that is met with a suitably incredulous cry of "I've got three here!". The lack of concentration may be down to the defence's preoccupation with the big man, the lanky opposing centre-back/estate agent who has arrived with a look of great purpose from the back.

4) "All Day"
An utterly irritating phrase (specifically designed to be so) used by smug opponents to declare your attacking efforts as weak and unlikely to succeed, even if repeated. Often said twice in quick succession – as a speculative effort flies into neighbouring allotments – to compound the humiliation.

5) "It's Still 0-0"
Football is an overwhelmingly childish pursuit. Much of football supporting is based on schadenfreude and suffering the taunts, in return, when your own team is humbled.

To combat this threat, some employ an overly defensive stance, hoping that an audible absence of pride will pre-empt any possible fall. And so, if a Sunday League team races into an early lead, one stern-faced, armband-toting try-hard will attempt to construct a parallel universe in which the game is, in fact, goalless. The job is not done, he insists – a point he may return to when the final score is 7-4 or something similarly amateur.

6) "Box 'Em In!"
A cult classic, perhaps, which satisfies two fundamental criteria: 1) a laughable attempt at tactical insight, and 2) exclaimed almost instinctively, every single time. The ball goes out for an opposition throw-in, deep in their final third, and it is universally accepted that they do not have the adequate technical skills (or simply the upper-body strength) to play/hurl their way to safety.

7) "[Shirt Colour] Head on This!"
Possibly the most pointless one of all. For the uninitiated, this cryptic command is for your teammates to meet an imminent opposition hoof with their head before the other lot can. No accuracy is necessary but congratulations are available for heading it really, really hard, straight back where it came from. "WELL UP!" you are told, with your name declared in full if the game is particularly tense. More forward-thinking Sunday league players concern themselves with the second ball, which is often simply another header. Third balls remain an untapped, bewildering resource, possibly due to Chaos Theory.

8) "Away!"
Loosely translated as "Now look here, team-mate, I neither want nor trust you to play your way out of trouble. Please dispose of the ball as quickly and as far away as possible." Failure to do as directed leaves one open to castigation for "oxf*rd about with it there," but this may be permitted if the player is in possession of a sufficient amount of...

9) "Time!"
The ball drops from the air and a player finds himself in acres of space. Pointing this out to him might seem a good idea. It'll calm him down, allow him to get his head up and play a pass, rather than treat the ball like an unpinned grenade.

However, when 10 other players scream "Time! Time!" in unison, it tends to have quite the opposite effect. The futility of the situation is laid bare when, after giving away possession easily, the player is offered a final, withering, retrospective observation: "You had time."

10) "Who's got tape?"
The gold-dust of amateur football, despite being available in any hardware shop. As the sole provider of ankle-securing tape, once you declare and dispense it, you will never see it again.

11) "Ref! Ref! How long?"
Usually asked by an overexcited player from the leading team, with surprising desperation. Whatever the answer, the player will always add about 10% on before relaying the revised figure to his teammates.

12) "Watch the short!"
It is considered a cardinal sin to let an opposing Sunday League team pass a goal-kick out to a full-back. Precisely what sort of devastating attack an average Sunday League team are expected to be capable of, deep in their own half, with the ball at the feet of traditionally the least capable player in their ranks, is anyone's guess.

Amateur-level goal-kicks, thumped aimlessly as far down the pitch as possible, often aren't a job for the goalkeeper. As the designated goal-kick taker for their sides, many Sunday league centre-halves can confirm that fetching a distant match ball in preparation for this moment is one of the more soul-destroying aspects of life at around 11am on every Sunday between September and May.

13) "One of you!"
When a Sunday League midfield is so often instructed to "get a [insert team's shirt colour] head on this", you often witness an unsightly clash of [insert team's shirt colour]-clad bodies as they simultaneously attempt to perform their primary duty. It is left to a team-mate to helpfully point out that only one of them was required on the scene.

14) "Don't let it bounce!"
A rare example of a phenomenon that afflicts a Premier League side just as much as it does your Sunday morning rabble. Letting the ball bounce, especially "back there", is traditionally asking for trouble.

15) "Where Was The Shout?"
The ultimate act of Sunday league buck-passing. A player is unceremoniously dispossessed from behind, to howls of derision from his teammates. Accompanied by a despairing flap of the arms, the player begs of his colleagues: "Where was the shout?!" There wasn't one. Because they've gone quiet, haven't they?

[Big Foot]

My absolute all-time favourite - "HE DON'T WANT IT"

[TBM]

My absolute all-time favourite - "HE DON'T WANT IT"

"FIRST TIME"

[genome]

A common one with my old team was "UP AND WIN!"

[Albert Spangler]

A common one with my old team was "UP AND WIN!"

What?

[Albert Spangler]

A common one for me is "Firsts and seconds Hobnob" so this bit made me chuckle.

More forward-thinking Sunday league players concern themselves with the second ball, which is often simply another header. Third balls remain an untapped, bewildering resource, possibly due to Chaos Theory.

[genome]

A common one with my old team was "UP AND WIN!"

What?

Up

and Win

[Albert Spangler]

A common one with my old team was "UP AND WIN!"

What?

Up

and Win

What does it even mean? When do you say it? Did you win much?

[genome]

Jump up and win the ball you pfucking spacktard

No, we didn't. But it made the occasionally victory all the more sweeter.

[Albert Spangler]

Jump up and win the ball you pfucking spacktard

No, we didn't. But it made the occasionally victory all the more sweeter.

For headers? Clearly it's not a cliche if you're th eonly one who uses it.

[stealthpapes]

3 is somewhat valid though. It's not likely you'll be playing any zonal marking shizzle so someone's not doing their job. And 1. Talking makes football better. Seriously.

"Back to 0-0 Worcester" became a catchphrase in my dying days of college football.

We actually had a player nicknamed "Beast". Lad could throw the ball about half the length of a pitch. Superb strength and accuracy. Our entire tactics that season were - five in midfield, stop opposition playing, use every throw in as a target for a Rugby second row who could head the ball a bit. Cup final and two losses all season. AWFUL football.

Anyway, we had a throw back in our half and the cry went up "Box 'Em In, lads". He thought he'd replied under his breath, but basically everyone heard him mutter "Box this beast in".

[genome]

Jump up and win the ball you pfucking spacktard

No, we didn't. But it made the occasionally victory all the more sweeter.

For headers? Clearly it's not a cliche if you're th eonly one who uses it.

Do you always have to question everything I say?

[TBM]

3 is somewhat valid though. It's not likely you'll be playing any zonal marking shizzle so someone's not doing their job. And 1. Talking makes football better. Seriously.

"Back to 0-0 Worcester" became a catchphrase in my dying days of college football.

We actually had a player nicknamed "Beast". Lad could throw the ball about half the length of a pitch. Superb strength and accuracy. Our entire tactics that season were - five in midfield, stop opposition playing, use every throw in as a target for a Rugby second row who could head the ball a bit. Cup final and two losses all season. AWFUL football.

Anyway, we had a throw back in our half and the cry went up "Box 'Em In, lads". He thought he'd replied under his breath, but basically everyone heard him mutter "Box this beast in".

We've got a matey playing for us who is also a world champion power lifter - he can throw the ball half the length of the pitch and yes, we too use that ^ tactic

[No Fixed Abode]

"My ball".

[Albert Spangler]

Jump up and win the ball you pfucking spacktard

No, we didn't. But it made the occasionally victory all the more sweeter.

For headers? Clearly it's not a cliche if you're th eonly one who uses it.

Do you always have to question everything I say?

Only the stupid stuff.

[genome]

Well, you would know.

[soggy biscuit]

'First and second ball' used to drive me round the freaking bend.

[frimmers3]

"o.k lads...they've turned up...in the motors and get changed"!

[leon]

http://www.theguardian.com/sport/football-cliches/2013/oct/31/talking-language-sunday-league-football

lol Hobnob FC use all of these


1) "We've Gone Quiet"
Going quiet, as highlighted earlier, is the sign of a malfunctioning team. No one is talking, which means they all might as well go home. A period of notable quietness is ended only when the captain draws everyone's attention to it: "Come on lads, we've gone quiet!". It can, at the shouter's discretion, be bookended with "...haven't we?", to offer the illusion of a debate where one is really not available.

2) "Straight In"
A staple instruction that can be used only at a very specific moment – namely, the opponents kicking off the game. "Run after the ball!", this phrase demands, "Chase it when they kick it backwards!". Only the strikers need to do this, of course, and the moment quickly passes. Getting "straight in" is not a continuous requirement, but merely an opening gesture of intent, which is likely to be unfulfilled. It is often accompanied by a mindless, yet somehow entirely appropriate-feeling, clap of the hands.

3) "Two On The Edge"
When a corner is awarded, it is everyone's job to pick up their man. One eagle-eyed player has the extra task of spotting a discrepancy in this complex marking system, in that there are two unattended opponents lumbering into the penalty area.

In extreme circumstances, there may be "three on the edge" – an unthinkable catastrophe that is met with a suitably incredulous cry of "I've got three here!". The lack of concentration may be down to the defence's preoccupation with the big man, the lanky opposing centre-back/estate agent who has arrived with a look of great purpose from the back.

4) "All Day"
An utterly irritating phrase (specifically designed to be so) used by smug opponents to declare your attacking efforts as weak and unlikely to succeed, even if repeated. Often said twice in quick succession – as a speculative effort flies into neighbouring allotments – to compound the humiliation.

5) "It's Still 0-0"
Football is an overwhelmingly childish pursuit. Much of football supporting is based on schadenfreude and suffering the taunts, in return, when your own team is humbled.

To combat this threat, some employ an overly defensive stance, hoping that an audible absence of pride will pre-empt any possible fall. And so, if a Sunday League team races into an early lead, one stern-faced, armband-toting try-hard will attempt to construct a parallel universe in which the game is, in fact, goalless. The job is not done, he insists – a point he may return to when the final score is 7-4 or something similarly amateur.

6) "Box 'Em In!"
A cult classic, perhaps, which satisfies two fundamental criteria: 1) a laughable attempt at tactical insight, and 2) exclaimed almost instinctively, every single time. The ball goes out for an opposition throw-in, deep in their final third, and it is universally accepted that they do not have the adequate technical skills (or simply the upper-body strength) to play/hurl their way to safety.

7) "[Shirt Colour] Head on This!"
Possibly the most pointless one of all. For the uninitiated, this cryptic command is for your teammates to meet an imminent opposition hoof with their head before the other lot can. No accuracy is necessary but congratulations are available for heading it really, really hard, straight back where it came from. "WELL UP!" you are told, with your name declared in full if the game is particularly tense. More forward-thinking Sunday league players concern themselves with the second ball, which is often simply another header. Third balls remain an untapped, bewildering resource, possibly due to Chaos Theory.

"Away!"
Loosely translated as "Now look here, team-mate, I neither want nor trust you to play your way out of trouble. Please dispose of the ball as quickly and as far away as possible." Failure to do as directed leaves one open to castigation for "oxf*rd about with it there," but this may be permitted if the player is in possession of a sufficient amount of...

9) "Time!"
The ball drops from the air and a player finds himself in acres of space. Pointing this out to him might seem a good idea. It'll calm him down, allow him to get his head up and play a pass, rather than treat the ball like an unpinned grenade.

However, when 10 other players scream "Time! Time!" in unison, it tends to have quite the opposite effect. The futility of the situation is laid bare when, after giving away possession easily, the player is offered a final, withering, retrospective observation: "You had time."

10) "Who's got tape?"
The gold-dust of amateur football, despite being available in any hardware shop. As the sole provider of ankle-securing tape, once you declare and dispense it, you will never see it again.

11) "Ref! Ref! How long?"
Usually asked by an overexcited player from the leading team, with surprising desperation. Whatever the answer, the player will always add about 10% on before relaying the revised figure to his teammates.

12) "Watch the short!"
It is considered a cardinal sin to let an opposing Sunday League team pass a goal-kick out to a full-back. Precisely what sort of devastating attack an average Sunday League team are expected to be capable of, deep in their own half, with the ball at the feet of traditionally the least capable player in their ranks, is anyone's guess.

Amateur-level goal-kicks, thumped aimlessly as far down the pitch as possible, often aren't a job for the goalkeeper. As the designated goal-kick taker for their sides, many Sunday league centre-halves can confirm that fetching a distant match ball in preparation for this moment is one of the more soul-destroying aspects of life at around 11am on every Sunday between September and May.

13) "One of you!"
When a Sunday League midfield is so often instructed to "get a [insert team's shirt colour] head on this", you often witness an unsightly clash of [insert team's shirt colour]-clad bodies as they simultaneously attempt to perform their primary duty. It is left to a team-mate to helpfully point out that only one of them was required on the scene.

14) "Don't let it bounce!"
A rare example of a phenomenon that afflicts a Premier League side just as much as it does your Sunday morning rabble. Letting the ball bounce, especially "back there", is traditionally asking for trouble.

15) "Where Was The Shout?"
The ultimate act of Sunday league buck-passing. A player is unceremoniously dispossessed from behind, to howls of derision from his teammates. Accompanied by a despairing flap of the arms, the player begs of his colleagues: "Where was the shout?!" There wasn't one. Because they've gone quiet, haven't they?

this all sounds massively gay

[parky]

"My ball".

Normally followed by, 'he's not allowed to say mine he has to put a name on it ref'